Innocence

I don't think anyone could forget that defining moment. When we realized we were not, in fact, safe here. It was the day that America lost its innocence, so to speak. I guess that always happens. Innocence can't last forever. But we all grew up a little that day. We grieved, for the fallen, for the lost illusion of safety, for our future.

My husband was a Marine, stationed in North Carolina. I remember driving to class when I heard the news, the time it took to process. I had no schema for the words being said. Thought it was an accident. Then the deejay said, "Oh. My. God. Another plane!! Another plane has just crashed into the other tower!!" The knee jerk reaction of "what a weird coincidence" was followed by this deep dread. I went into the class, told them. We all went to call our husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, boyfriends...but the phones on base were locked.

After my class was over, I went with a friend to her house to eat takeout. I will never forget sitting there on her floor, mouths dry, food growing cold as we stared at the tv. Watching the plane crash into the second tower over and over and over and over.

Later that night, base was on lock down. In the dark, outside our homes, my neighbors and I sat, waiting, clutching our cordless phones and holding hands, waiting for our Marines. Waiting for something, anything to stop the waiting. Finally the boys started trickling in. 9pm, 10pm, midnight instead of 4:30 - but home. They had no real answers, but I guess what we wanted was them, after all. To touch them and know that they wouldn't be taken from us, not today at least.

Since that day, military wives and children have waited. The longer the war goes, the more routine it becomes, but they still wait for their love. Wait for half their heart. Wait to live a normal life. It's the military. It's what they signed up for, but the families still wait, terror half a heartbeat away for the phone call that says it's not okay this time.

It's like that day, eight years ago, a loop playing over and over. Nothing changing, yet everything is different now. Yes, I still remember September 11. How could any of us forget?