I always hate the "first" blog. When I would get a new journal, it was wonderful. I would have grand hopes for those new, white, blank pages. I would think giddily of the potential of this blank canvas for my thoughts. Why is it different for a blog? Maybe because there is no clear end in sight like with a journal? Maybe because I just hop right in with a journal because I knew they were my private thoughts, and with a blog, I know that it's there for anyone who wants to see - so I think I owe the web at large an explanation? Whatever the reason, it feels different.

This blog especially is different because I already have a blog. I just needed somewhere new...to formulate my thoughts.

So I was watching this rerun of Extreme Makeover Home Edition. They were doing this home for this woman named "Sweet Alice" or something. She lives in this place near LA where it's supposed to be a scary neighborhood. She's like an urban Mother Theresa. She feeds homeless people every day - not a soup kitchen, she feeds them from her kitchen. 20 to 40 people eat her food every day. On holidays she feeds hundreds. Christmas she gives toys to thousands. And this flood came and ruined her house. she's feeding all these people, and her own daughter is living across the street because the house is in such bad shape from the flood.
Long hour of tv short, this lady really gave me a slap in the face. When they gave her the new house and she was looking at it, it was not - wow, look at this incredible thing they've done for me! it was, WOW. Look at all the good I can do with this place...because that's what life is all about, isn't it?

And it made me think, again, what am I doing with myself? What am I doing for others? What am I doing for God? I am just living. Day after wasted day, counting my worth with loads of laundry washed and diapers changed. What am I doing? For what purpose do I exist?